Somewhere Just For Us
by Kalus
Summary: Asuka doesn't understand why Shinji can run from EVA...but she wants to know. But when she follows him when he runs away, she finds out there might be something more...that there might be a special place...Somewhere out there just for her.
1. I want to know

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think this fic would be for my sister cause I'm the one who always bad mouths Asuka to her…I dunno. I'm getting soft…here's one for EVERYONE who always wondered what the hell was in this world.

DISCLAIMER: Gainax owns. 

Somewhere Just For Us 

**Part One: I want to know…**

"Hey Shinji…"

Shinji turned his head to the side absentmindedly, as if recognizing his name for what seemed to be the longest time. "What is Misato-san?"

They were on the balcony. Just the two of them with the oddly warm night sky and a breeze blowing a wind chime through so many notes. Misato chuckled as Shinji's eyes alighted on the ever present can of beer by her side. "Give a girl some perks Shinji-kun… it's one of the small things in life I enjoy."

Shinji turned away and reclined on the seat. "I see." He took a deep breath and let it out softly. "But what did you want?"

Surprisingly sober for the alcohol that was probably floating in her system, Misato focused distantly on the crumbling city. "Remember…when I showed you what you were protecting when you first arrived here?" Her eyes softened. "There's not much more here to protect is there?"

Shinji followed her line of sight. Debris was scattered everywhere and some roads had been cut straight across, leaving them completely unusable. Smoke and plumes of dust still rose over some parts of the city and over half the buildings had the tired, worn, too-lived in look.

The other half was destroyed.

"It's really pathetic…" Shinji whispered, "Yeah…EVA was supposed to protect this city. Did I fail? Did we fail?"

"Yeah. All of us did…in the end, none of us could protect what a God doesn't want us to protect." Misato threw a can of beer at Shinji. "Come on. Share a drink with me."

Eyeing her warily, Shinji shrugged and popped the top off. Pouring one fourth of the can down his throat in a gulp, he grimaced only slightly. 

Visibly impressed, Misato asked in admiration, "You drink before?"

Shinji shook his head as he swirled the liquid around the sides of the can thoughtfully. "No…this is my first time. But it's the same thing when I'm in EVA…the LCL tastes just like blood. But no matter how it tastes, it becomes easier to ignore." Raising the can to his mouth again, he took another sip. "Even it does make you sick afterward."

Misato laughed. "Trust me Shinji. This stuff always makes you feel sick afterwards."

They lapsed into silence punctuated by someone taking a draught from their respective cans. Shinji broke the barrier.

"But we know that. We'll still do it later though. Humans are weird like that." Thinking out loud, Shinji tried to get up, only to lose his footing and fall back into the seat as the alcohol seized his legs and dumped him back down. Stunned, Shinji wiped his eyes as he tried again only to have the same result. In a slightly shaken voice, he shook his head. "But I don't think LCL ever made the world spin so much."

"Heh…Shinji can drink beer but it's obvious that he can't hold his alcohol." Smiling ruefully as Shinji tried to glare at her, she set her can on the table. "You've grown up a bit Shinji. Almost. Do you still want to run away?"

Shinji blearily replied as his low alcohol tolerance tried in vain to keep him sober and awake. "I'm not trying to run away…" He yawned as he absentmindedly poured the rest of the can down. "I…I was looking for something Misato…"

"Looking?" Curious, Misato raised an eyebrow. "Looking for what?"

"Someplace out there…" Shinji's eyes drooped as his head nodded and his voice trailed. "Someplace just for me…someplace…that I've only seen in a…dream…" 

"How does it look like?"

Shinji smiled lazily. "I dunno…I'll tell you if I ever…see…it…" Finally falling asleep, Shinji slumped against the chair as the aluminum can dropped from his fingers and clattered against the ground. 

Sitting there, with the wind blowing against his hair, and his eyes closed, he looked so peaceful. 

Misato smiled and took off her jacket. Placing it over the boys snoring form, she crouched down and whispered softly, "When you find it, don't keep it to yourself. Just because it's a place just for you doesn't mean you shouldn't share."

As Misato started to get up, Asuka pulled herself up from her spot covered behind the shades and swiftly ran to her room.

***

"You really are pathetic…you know that right?"

Shinji paused as he tilted his head slightly to the side. He really didn't want to get into a discussion right now…the aspirin had barely kicked in and the nagging hangover was still biting his head. Taking the agreeable approach, he shrugged. "What do you want me to say to that?"

Hopping off her entry plug, Asuka snorted. "Up all night drinking with Misato…god that woman is too easy on you. Offering alcohol to a minor, Japanese kid like you. Tell me Shinji, what was she thinking?"

Shinji scoffed. "That was pretty irresponsible. My head still hurts." He shrugged helplessly as Asuka's scowl grew more pronounced. "Sorry…I guess."

"You might call it anything you want to Ikari Shinji…you might make it sound nice and glowing as if you mean something…but to me, no matter what you say, you're still always just running away." Asuka crossed her arms. "Nothing more than that."

Shinji blushed scarlet as he stammered, "W…What were you talking about?"

"Looking for a place just for you eh Shinji? Doesn't that sound awfully romantic?" Her eyes narrowed. "Do you believe that bull Shinji when it comes out of your mouth?"

Shinji replied, "I was probably drunk all right? That was the first time I've ever drank that much before."

"ONE FREAKIN CAN does not constitute legally drunk Ikari. Even in this white-collar, stiff-as-hell society here." Asuka shook her head as she leaned on the catwalk to support herself. "What is the matter with you Shinji? Did your mother read too many bedtime stories to you or something? Look around you! Do you see any place in this entire world that's just for you?"

Shinji started getting angry as he clenched his hand. "Look. I don't know why that would make you so angry. Does it make you feel better if I say you were right? Do you want to hear me say I'm sorry?"

Asuka shook her head, as her smile grew slightly more sarcastic. "I want you to start using your head Shinji. Stop being so idealistic and just think. And then tell me the reason you always run away. Because you're scared. Because you're spineless. That's the reason Ikari Shinji-kun."

"What is wrong with you?"

Asuka exploded. "The problem HERO BOY is that I'm sick of you! I'm sick of the way you act, the way you think, HELL I'm even sick of the way you pilot! You're always getting everything on a silver platter and HELL there HAS to be a silver lining to every one of Shinji-kun's clouds. Well, FIGURE IT OUT!"

Taken aback, Shinji nervously stammered a reply, "It's not like that Asuka."

"You're right. It's not like that…you just haven't grown up enough to figure it out." Suddenly smiling, Asuka's voice grew softly scathing. "And I can prove it to you." Lunging forward, she grabbed his wrist firmly and began dragging him with her until they were at the edge of the catwalk.

Asuka was a strong woman. Although she was rather skinny for a girl her age, she was extremely compact. Years of physical training were obviously not lost to this girl. Unable to break her grip, Shinji stumbled forward as Asuka roughly pulled him with her. "A…Asuka! What…what are you doing? What…" His voice trailed off as the German redhead pushed him almost off the edge of the catwalk. Teetering on the edge, his eyes widened as the drop to the bottom of the pens from the railing almost made him vomit to his knees with vertigo.

Completely unperturbed with the vast expanse in front of her, Asuka let go of his wrist and stared at him hard in the eye. "The drop from here is about the same height as from the torso of our EVA's. I would estimate maybe…ten or fifteen meters since they're crouching in the pens right now. Take it as you will. The bottom of the pens is filled with water…I don't know why but that's not important. What is important though is that if you fall from here right now, it probably won't kill you…but it'll probably hurt…a lot."

Something in the way Asuka was staring at him, the way her voice seemed to barely carry across struck Shinji as oddly unnerving. This didn't seem natural…none of this did.

Asuka carried on in her eerie matter-of-fact voice. "So Shinji. Why don't you take a jump?" Her eyes narrowed. "It'll be just the same as running away…won't it? And there's no danger involved…if you do get knocked unconscious, maybe you'll get lucky and find that special place."

But…the drop was dizzily high. It brought his stomach to his mouth and made Shinji feel bitterly nauseous. The hangover jolting his head wasn't helping either. What was Asuka trying to prove? Why was she going through all this trouble when normally she didn't even care enough to give him the time of day?

All of this…couldn't be real…could it?

As if reading her mind, Asuka whispered, "No. This isn't a dream. But I figure that you're still living in one. You've always been living in one…time to get a wake-up call." She laughed. "So are you going to jump or not Shinji?"

He couldn't…it was too high…it was crazy! But…none of this was real! It couldn't be!

They stood on that precipice for longer than Shinji could hold his breath…but not long enough to figure what was tangible at this precise moment.

Asuka noticed his hands were trembling and the light reflected off his pupils was wavering. Looking at him, his eyes couldn't meet her gaze and flickered nervously from her face to the drop. Uncertain…it was like she had thought. 

She shook her head and placed a hand on her hip. "But what am I thinking? Shinji never wants to wake-up…do you? You won't jump. Because you need to find that special place in your dreams right?" She turned around and walked away leaving him alone on the edge. "Live your pathetic dream Shinji. I woke up a long time before you did."

Before she could even walk a step however, Shinji spun around and clapped an arm on her shoulder. His voice was rasping and forced but powerfully clear. "What are you saying Asuka? What…what can you possibly be thinking?"

Asuka's eyes widened as she glanced at him through the corner of her eye. 

He was smiling.

Gripping her shoulder tightly, he gazed straight at her face, with his hair matted and disheveled around him. This couldn't be real…but…he still chuckled. "You know as well as I do Asuka…that being alive is a dream."

He pushed her forward and let himself fall off the railing.

Stumbling forward from the force of his push, Asuka's breath caught in her lungs as time suddenly went in slow motion. Throwing herself back against the edge, she barely caught a glimpse of Shinji's body falling through the air. From the catwalk…it looked like a doll was falling. Not Shinji. Not wimpy Shinji…the whole fifteen meters froze in her mind as time once again speeded up and his body plunged into the water with a loud splash.

Her throat felt raw and her ears rang as curiously…someone…it couldn't be her…but someone was screaming. Why couldn't it stop? Didn't they know that she hated people who screamed? 

It couldn't be her…

Could it?

***

Somewhere along her life…Asuka realized that the heroic knight in Shining Armor would never save the beautiful princess. That living happily ever after was another way life laughed when everything went wrong. 

There were no such things as love at first sight.

There were no such things as riding off into a sunset…

That's why there couldn't ever be a special place…just for her.

The world refused to allow it. EVA was another example of what her world was. She didn't have anything past the plug suit she wore on her body, the LCL electrolytes she always wore on her head, and the bitterness she always wore on her heart. It wasn't a mask anymore…it was for real. It was what she was.

EVA was what she was.

Why couldn't Shinji see that? Why could HE of ANY possible person have something beyond EVA? HOW could that boy run away from it?

Asuka Sohryuu Langley wanted to know…she wanted to know badly.

If Shinji could find that special place, she wanted to know if there was one for her as well. A place in this world that was only for her. 

Could it exist? 

Damn…why did Shinji have to jump?

He wasn't hurt and he barely spent fifteen minutes in the infirmary before he was released again. But why? That spineless little boy had smiled at her right before he fell…what did he mean by that? What was he trying to prove?

Asuka's eyes flickered over to the couch where Shinji was staring at the TV. What she had always found remarkable was how he could always remember what he was watching when his eyes looked so dull. He wasn't even looking at the screen or the flashing images. He was looking at something…maybe even for something? 

Tonight though, he wasn't even doing that much. His placid blue eyes reflected evenly even as he changed channels once every second. Not even bothering to check if anything was interesting.

But it was about to rain. The winds grew slightly cooler and the clouds loomed over the sky ominously. Something had to break first.

When it rained…Asuka knew Shinji always left. There had been too many times when she slid open his door only to find his room completely empty with his NERV id placed on the dresser. Those days, he would ditch school and come home to an extremely irate Misato who always chose that time to remain sober.

Was it true…what he said? Was it something more than just running away?

The news forecast guaranteed rain tomorrow though. Asuka wanted to see for herself.

***

The soft patter of a whisper outside woke Shinji up as fast as Misato's errant alarm clock. It was cold outside…with the windows icy cold and frost lining the edges. The clouds were cast very low and were milky white…like a blanket. 

It was earlier than he had expected…the LED clock registered barely three in the morning. Dragging himself off the inviting covers, the shock of icy cold air on his skin knocked the dazed sleepiness from his eyes. He sat on top of his futon, watching the rain blow on the window and the intricate pattern it seemed to set against the early morning sky. Like a diamond transparent sheen.

Somewhere…he wanted to go look. The rain set perfectly against the sky…it made the world look so calm. So peaceful. When it rained, nothing moved outside. 

Changing into his customary school uniform more out of habit than any other impulse, Shinji left his NERV card on the customary position of the dresser. He needed to leave this Shinji behind when he went looking. At least for this day…he needed to forget about EVA and NERV. To be alone…to be who he knew he was…to find something he knew had to be out there.

Like so many other days, this rainy day promised something: A hint of a whisper with the soft silence that let him wrap himself in his own blanket. Sliding his backpack against his shoulder, Shinji slid the door shut behind him and made his way towards the front door. Misato was always a heavy sleeper. Even from out here he could here her deep breathing coming through the panel of her room.

Asuka wouldn't care either way.

His tennis shoes were scuffed to a side and were almost worn out. He would need to ask Misato for another pair soon. The way they looked now, he doubted they would last the entire trip. Sliding his finger around the curve of the heel, he slid his feet into the shoes and tapped them lightly against the floor.

Bowing his head, he opened the door and took the first step outside. 

"Took you long enough." 

Shinji's breath caught as the door fell from his suddenly nerveless hands and fell back with a clatter against the doorframe. Gaping slightly, he couldn't believe what he was seeing in front of him.

Sitting on the first step on the stairs, Asuka was crouched down with her back to Shinji and was looking at the sky above. It seemed an oddly picturesque scene with the rain sliding down the gutters to the side and spraying to the pavement to her right and to her left. Although there was no way the rain could hit her, in her hand she was holding a red umbrella. She smiled to herself. "So…where are you going to start looking first…Ikari Shinji-kun?"

The rain…it calmed him and let him think. It cleared his mind and the soft rhythm of water hitting the sidewalk reminded him of the promise. It reassured him. Sliding his hands into the pockets of his pants, he slouched against the metal railing of the stairs and looked outside with her. "I don't know…"

Asuka nodded. She had expected that. "I don't believe it still…not until I see it with my own eyes." Her blue eyes focused aimlessly at the wide expanse in front of her. "But…I want to know what can make you run from EVA."

"It's not running."

Asuka laughed shortly. "Yeah…but humor me." She rested her umbrella against her shoulder and steeped her hands together. "I don't think you'll find your special place Shinji… but I can't be sure." She tilted her head to look at Shinji. "So, just for today, I'll follow your lead. If anything, it'll prove to me how stupid you really are later."

"I never guaranteed anything…and if I did, you wouldn't believe me." Shinji shook his head. "But…if you want to come, then I won't stop you." He smiled as if noticing for the first time. "The rain…doesn't it make everything so beautiful?"

Asuka snorted. "Don't be stupid. Get your umbrella or you'll catch a cold."

Stepping out of the cover of the roof and ignoring Asuka's advice, Shinji tilted his head upwards and let the water splash against his face. Coursing down his cheeks and soaking his hair, he whispered, "I don't need one. I like the rain…" Smiling at Asuka's skeptical expression, he placed the hood of his jacket over his head. "But if you're coming along, that might change a couple of things…" He turned around and began walking down the stairs. "Come on. Let's go."

Together, with Asuka following in his stride, they walked down the stairs and made a left at the corner. 

***

How far they had walked, Asuka couldn't tell. They hadn't talked to each other ever since they had left the apartment and she doubted the silence would be broken anytime soon. She checked her wristwatch and grimaced. School would have just started a few minutes ago and probably right now, Hikari would be wondering where on Earth could she be.

The rain had picked up and was now pounding against the red cloth of her umbrella. It had gotten cooler and the school skirt she was wearing didn't make things any better. She smirked. Wondergirl was still probably staring out the window right now…as if she could see anything past the almost opaque fog in front.

Shinji asked her quietly, "Asuka, do you want to stop to get something to eat?"

Damn…did he read her mind? It had been a long time ago since dinner last night and she had been walking for probably five hours without anything in her stomach. She scowled, "I don't need your pity Shinji."

Shinji shrugged. "That's too bad."

Glowering, Asuka grabbed his arm and snarled, "What does that mean Hero Boy? Are you saying that I can't keep up with you?"

Shinji shook his head. "No…it's too bad because I'm hungry…"

Asuka scowled. "Than why don't you get something to eat yourself?"

"Cause I never did." Shinji replied evenly. "And it never rained this hard before." He stopped in front of a café and met her gaze. "So I'm going to get something to eat. Do you want to come with me?"

How was she supposed to reply to that? Why did he have to end that sentence like that…with me? Asuka felt herself blushing and quickly averted her eyes. "Fine. Do whatever you want. I don't care." Not really a reply…

About to reply, Shinji broke off as he shook his head at the futility of it. Shrugging, he walked up to the concierge and asked politely, "Can I have two separate tables? I…" 

"Don't be an idiot Shinji. Places like these don't have enough seats to play your stupid games." He trailed off in amazement as Asuka's voice interrupted him and the German redhead decisively closed her umbrella to walk up beside him.

She held up two fingers to the waiter. "We'll take a table for two. Make it a window seat." Asuka raised an eyebrow as she noticed Shinji staring at her with a slightly confused expression on his face. "What? I do the things I want to do Shinji…I'm not an idiot." She turned her head and scoffed. "Don't think so hard. You'll give yourself a headache."

"Is that so?"

"Just be quiet." Asuka clamped down on the hot surge of embarrassment that colored her face. "You idiot."

***

He was staring out the window…just like Wondergirl always did. And Asuka Sohryuu Langley was sick of it. What did Shinji see in that doll? It wasn't something she asked out of jealousy but it was a question that lingered in her mind.

Ayanami Rei. A doll quite literally in body and spirit. It was disgusting. 

In most Asian cultures, tea was all the rage…god…what she would give for a steaming black cup of German-brew coffee. It was hard to ignore the fact that she had woken up when the sky was almost pitch-black.

He was still looking out that window. What was out there that was so interesting?

She refused to look through that glass pane…refused to be anything like that doll who needed to stare endlessly out into a world she obviously never understood and never would. Asuka didn't need that…she didn't need that pathetic idealism or that wistful expression Shinji had on his face now. Asuka did things her way when she wanted to, how she wanted to, and because she wanted to.

Picking up her cup of tea, she commented wryly, "You and Wondergirl are so alike. Why don't you ask her out and start the Wonder Family."

To her secret pleasure, Shinji's face blushed and he diverted his attention from the window and meekly bowed his face. "No…it's not like that. We're nothing alike." He smiled as he picked up his cup of tea and stared at his reflection. "No…Ayanami Rei is a very unique person."

That brought a sardonic smile to Asuka's face. "You've got to be kidding me Shinji! Rei? Unique? That's the very first time I've heard ANYONE use those two words in the same sentence."

Shinji replied very evenly. "First Child of EVA-00. First EVER Child ever to pilot an EVA unit. Not even Ritsuko knows her past…she lives all by herself at the age of fifteen and has seen more combat time than any of us." His eyes flickered over to Asuka. "How many people in the world are like that?"

Asuka snarled, "That's not the point idiot! That girl is a doll! She has no emotions, no feelings…all she knows how to do is let Gendo play her around on a string." She spat, "I'd hate to be anything like her."

"But it's the only way she's ever known how to live. You can tell too Asuka…you and me…we had the choice to do what we wanted. She never did. She's still living though… and she's living in the way she has always known." Shinji shook his head. "I pity her Asuka…I really do. That girl…to do what she does…has to be incredibly strong. No one should be that strong…I'm not."

_He…pities her? _Asuka averted her eyes and bitterly shook her head. "She only deserves to be pitied. She doesn't have any other redeeming quality!"

"But she's still human…isn't it funny how easy we forget that." Shinji grew thoughtful, "Have we ever thought Asuka…strange as it is…that Ayanami might be living exactly the way she wants?"

Asuka replied skeptically, "Who would want to be a doll Shinji? You're not making sense at all!"

Shinji had to laugh. "No…I'm not…" Chuckling, Asuka's bemused expression made the smile last. "But than again, Ayanami-san rarely makes any sense. Everything about her…"

Asuka almost snapped. Growling she pointed at Shinji, "I didn't come barreling across half the city to see you get all moony-eyed over Wondergirl! So can you keep your self-introspection to yourself Third Child?"

"Third Child…whose he?"

Asuka was slightly taken aback. "Eh?"

Blowing on the surface of his tea, Shinji felt the steam warm his face and lift his spirits. "Today…I am Ikari Shinji-kun. You can be whatever you want to be Asuka." He closed his eyes and savored the taste of the jasmine tea. "But the Third Child is on a card on my dresser. You can talk to him when we get back home."

Asuka scowled and suddenly directed her attention to the sugar packets. Mumbling, she absentmindedly tore open a pink-labeled packet and sprinkled it over her tea. "Yeah…whatever…idealistic little…" 

Shinji politely inquired, "What did you say?"

Asuka growled, "Don't push your luck Shinji. You keep Ayanami Rei out of this and I'll keep on calling you by your first name all right?"

"Of course Second Child."

"Now who the hell are you talking about?"

Smiling, Shinji looked outside the window. "It's starting to rain again. Let's go before it all dries up." Swinging his backpack over his shoulder he began walking away. "Hurry up Asuka!"

Sputtering the redhead snarled as she tried to finish her cup of tea and pack up at the same time. "What do you mean?! YOU WANT TO WALK in the rain! What are you insane Shinji! Oi…SHINJI!" She slung her pack over her shoulder and snarled, "What kind of man are you idiot! OI!"

It's starting…I can feel it… 

_Even if I can't find that special place…I'm starting to understand. I'm starting to understand who Shinji Ikari is…and who Asuka Sohryuu Langley is. We're children… just not Children of EVA._

_We can be Children by ourselves._

***

"Hey! I hate the sour stuff!" Grimacing as Asuka walked up behind him and pressed the button for the drink he didn't want, Shinji had to step back as Asuka bent down in front of the vending machine and grabbed the can in her hand.

Popping the top, Asuka shrugged. "I've been following you around for three hours Shinji. Trust me, you owe me one." Placing the can on her lips she began drinking noisily, ignoring Shinji's slightly aghast expression. Finishing off half, she swirled the contents around the can so Shinji could hear. "Look. I left you half…"

She held it out to Shinji. "So you want it?"

Asuka was not a dainty drinker. Shinji could still see the rings of her saliva coating the edge where she had placed her lips on. It glistened in odd contrast with the yellow drink Asuka had preferred so much…if he took a drink…would it be something of an indirect kiss then? Was that what she meant?

Shinji almost kicked himself for being so stupid.

Asuka was baiting him again. The slightly mocking expression on her face and the way her smile was a bit too wide were all plain giveaways. Turning around, he bit out, "I told you I don't like that stuff. Leave me alone all right?"

Asuka said sadly behind his back, "I was right…you are such a boring boy." Tossing the drink into the trash, she pushed him aside none too gently and said, "Come on. We'll miss the train…and since it means so much to you…" She reached into her pack and withdrew two tickets. "There you go. So don't get pissed off at me OK?"

Slightly stunned, Shinji blurted, "Where are we going?"

Asuka shrugged. "I have no clue..." Smiling, she clapped Shinji on the shoulder and winked, "We'll just hop trains if it comes to that."

Shinji grudgingly took the ticket but he just had to ask, "Isn't that illegal?"

"Who cares?" Asuka scoffed and stuffed the other ticket into her pocket. "It's the fastest way to get around this dumped city…"

"Amazing that the train is still working though isn't it?" Shinji took a brief look at the Tokyo-3 map. "Heh…I guess everybody needs something to take them away…to let them run away from their problems. What a convenient creation it is…"

Asuka interrupted bluntly, the passion in her voice surprising Shinji and knocking him out of his melancholy introspection, "But we're not running away Shinji. We're looking for something… that makes us different from them." She gestured at the throngs of people who were looking backwards towards the tunnel, waiting for the train to arrive. "They're looking for that something to take them away. They're looking so hard they forgot where they should be looking for." Grabbing his arm, she pulled him the opposite way and pointed forward. "We're different. Shinji, we're going to look that way…where we're going to be. Where that special place is!"

Shinji blinked. _Is…is that it? Is that why…_

Asuka felt her mind go into complete shock. _WHY AM I SAYING THIS? I SOUND SO…so…GOD! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I SOUND LIKE…do I really think like that?_

Someplace special. It's never in back of you…and if you keep bowing your head, you won't even know where to start looking. Shinji slowly smiled. "So…don't look back… don't look any place but forward." He cracked his knuckles and clenched his palm into a fist. "OK. Then let's do it Asuka!"

Asuka tried…she really tried but she couldn't help it. Somewhere…something in her… just wouldn't stop. And what scared her was that she didn't want to stop either…she didn't want to look backwards. 

Because what was in front of her was too good to miss any second of it.

She smiled at Shinji. "Idiot…"

tbc


	2. even if I don't understand

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, might as well put a fic before Thanksgiving. Have a good one and don't forget about those special people you hold in your heart. Onee-sama, this is your pre-Thanksgiving gift so if you think it's cheap, than I'll buy you that box set of GW you wanted so much!

DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Gainax owns.

Somewhere Just For Us 

**Part two: …even if I don't understand…**

"Hey Shinji…when you ran away all those times…why did you always go by yourself? Not that I care too much…?" Leaning on the window, Asuka watched how the world streaked past her in a blur…it was like art…almost. 

Hearing no response, Asuka grimaced. "Are you even listening to…?" Asuka sighed in exasperation as she saw Shinji had once again lost himself in the music of his SDAT. It seemed so surreal…his eyes closed and his head resting on the cushion of the train seat…it almost looked like he was sleeping. The only indication that he was awake however, was that his index finger was lightly tapping the armrest, keeping time with the music that was still too loud even though his earplugs were firmly in place.

Snorting, Asuka shook her head and resumed looking out the window. "Honestly, why the hell did I even believe you for a second Shinji? You're not even looking!"

Shinji whispered, "I'm not looking because the rain stopped."

"Eh?" Once again taken by surprise, a cursory glance at the sky validated his answer. Although it was milky gray and the air was still heavy with the weight of water, no rain was falling. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Where the rain goes…we go. I know it…that special place…" Shinji nodded his head. "That special place was always raining…"

"You're the only one who thinks like that." Asuka stared solemnly out the window as her voice grew more introspective. "Even though I traveled half the globe from Germany to get here Shinji…you and me…we've never really been outside of Tokyo-3 have we?"

Shinji smiled. "Really?"

"Don't sound so smug." Not in the mood to really argue, Asuka sighed. "There's still so much I haven't seen…and all I can do now is stare out and see it all flashing past me. Even if I wanted to enjoy it, things move so fast all I see is a blur."

She froze as she felt a hand clasp hers on the armrest. Slowly turning her head, she saw Shinji's hand squeeze hers softly. He whispered, "That's why Asuka…that's why Ayanami stares out the window. You've never really been outside of Tokyo-3…but she's never really been outside of EVA." He looked at her with his soft blue eyes. "But I'm happy…being here with you…even if all we can do is stare out a window…if you can still tell me what you can see, I'll be happy."

Asuka stammered, "Don't say things like that! You don't even know what you're talking about…"

Shinji shook his head. "No…it's clear. its clear cause when I open my eyes, even though the ceiling is still unfamiliar, I know you're there…and I know that something in my life isn't changing." He let go of her head. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Pulling her hand tightly into her lap and spinning around, Asuka hid her blush under the mane of her red hair. "What's the matter with you? ANTA BAKA?!"

_We might be going too far…without really understanding where we're going…_Shinji smiled. _That's strange…I don't feel lost. I don't feel lost at all…when I'm with her…_

Asuka suddenly grinned as she stood up from her chair and pointed at the sky. "Shinji! Look! It's started raining again!"

Smiling with her, Shinji stood up as well and nodded in appreciation as flecks of rain streaked against the window, "We can start again at the next station than Asuka."

Asuka shook her head vigorously and grabbed his hand. Pulling him to his feet, she pulled him to the back of the train and next to the emergency exit. "Sorry Shinji…but I think I'm a bit impatient right now. You don't mind do you?"

Shinji gaped at Asuka for a split-second before closing his mouth and nodding slowly. Hefting his pack over his back, he braced himself against the back wall. "No, I don't mind at all. I'm ready…"

Breaking the pane of glass on the emergency exit and slapping the red button labeled **EMERGENCY BRAKE**, Asuka held Shinji's hand tightly as the entire train lurched forward before thundering to a harsh stop. The screams of the slightly disgruntled and shocked passengers filled the room as the high-pitched squeal of the brake deafened everyone. 

As the train came to a halt, Asuka pulled the red lever down and kicked the door open. Jumping off the track she spun around and held out a hand to Shinji. "Come on! Let's go!"

_Eh…my SDAT…_Shinji's eyes flashed towards the aisle they had just ran down, now littered with spilled drinks and strewn papers. Right in the middle of the mess was the flat, dull black box with the ear plugs still attached to the I/O port.

The music was still running…and the LED screen showed Track 26…always Track 26… had once again started. It never changed. The music never changed…

The usher began barreling down the row as the burly man snarled, "You damn brat! You're in big trouble! What the hell did you just do?"

It was so damn crazy…the idiot was going to trample his SDAT! He was going to…to …ah, what the hell…Shinji's eyes flashed to the man's eyes as a wide grin split his face. "You want it?"

The usher's face contorted in mixed fury and confusion. "What do you mean?"

Sketching a mock-salute, Shinji laughed. "I dropped my SDAT buddy…if you want it…then I would watch very carefully where you stepped."

"YOU DAMN BRAT! JUST WAIT TILL I…" The harsh sound of cracked plastic and metal reverberated across the room as the man's heavy boot pulverized the flat box and forever silenced the music. Slightly stunned, the man looked almost guiltily at the broken machine whose parts were now littering the aisle floor.

But if the music never changed, the music never was really worth listening to. 

Shinji laughed one short time before he hopped out the emergency door and landed heavily on his feet against the soft loam of the mossy earth, wet with the beginning of yet another rain. Pulling him to his feet, Asuka grimaced, "What the hell took you so long?"

Shinji flashed a grin. "I needed to take care of a few things." 

"Don't get freakin smart with me…" Her eyes widened as she looked behind her, as if just noticing all the commotion they had just caused. "Oh crap…I think they might actually chase us." She grabbed Shinji's right arm and broke into a run. "Look at how much trouble you are!"

Shinji panted back, "How is it my fault? You could've waited!"

"Be a man Shinji! Take responsibility!"

"You don't need to put it that way!"

Asuka smiled to herself as they left the stalled train on the rails behind them and began sprinting. The rain felt cold against her skin and the air seemed thick with fog until it was like pushing through a brick wall. Her lungs were pounding against her chest and her legs felt like lead weights as she felt almost dizzy with euphoria.

But Shinji was holding on to her hand…and they were still looking…her heart wasn't pounding because she was tired…and if it was so cold, why did her face feel so warm to the touch?

They were lost…completely and utterly lost in a world they had never seen before…but how lost could they really be when something so special was in front of them? Somewhere out there…

She was still smiling…and so was Shinji. It seemed they had never stopped.

***

The rain made the sand harsh and biting…and the cold had turned his hands red and tender. Sitting in the middle of the damp playground, Shinji absentmindedly kneaded a handful of cold sand in his hand as he watched the dirt clump against the ground and sift through his palms.

"It's the rain Shinji. It's turning all the sand into mud…really too bad…it almost reminds me of the beaches back home in Germany. It never got warm there." Sitting on the swing set watching him, Asuka swung gently back and forth as a light breeze blew through her hair. 

The rain really had turned most the sand into mud. In fact, the sandbox was littered with potholes filled with water, forming small lakes and large puddles. Smiling, Shinji wiped the dirt against his pants. "Yeah…you're right."

"Hey Shinji…"

"Hmm?"

"How close did you ever get?"

Curious, Shinji stood up and walked next to the swing set. "Close to what?"

"What are you stupid?" She softened her words with a smile. "How close did you ever get to finding that special place?"

Shinji shrugged. "I don't know…I've tried a lot of times…I never really could get started. And by the time I figured out where it might be, someone would find me and it would all end."

Frowning as the wet dirt beneath her gave little traction, Asuka pointed behind her, "This isn't getting anywhere…Give me a push Shinji."

"All right…" Walking behind her, Shinji rubbed his hands together and placed his hands firmly on her shoulder. Pulling her back two steps, he ran forward and pushed her hard. As she curved up and than back down, he backed away and gave her another firm push to send her flying higher and higher.

It was a kind of rhythm…they didn't talk for awhile and Shinji would push forward, back up and push forward again. As her breath grew faster and faster as the height below grew dizzyingly high, Asuka gulped nervously as another firm push almost threw her off the swing. Holding tightly onto the chains of the swing, Asuka hollered, "Ok idiot…I think that's a lot more than enough or do you want me to fly off and break my neck?"

Blushing, Shinji paused and stuffed his hands back into his pockets. "Sorry…"

"Cheh…I asked. No one asked you to apologize." Allowing herself to slow down, Asuka took the time to thoroughly enjoy the wind seeping through her hair and the crisp cold air damp with rain soak into her skin. She sighed, "It's been a long time since I've done this…it feels so nice!"

Sitting down on the other swing, Shinji amiably agreed. "It's the small things in life that really matter…isn't it Asuka?"

Asuka scoffed, "Speak for yourself. I wouldn't give up being a pilot for something as trivial as this. The world still needs to know what a great pilot I am!"

"You are a great pilot Asuka…" Letting himself dangle on the swings and watching Asuka soar higher next to him, Shinji nodded. "A very good pilot."

Interrupting his reverie, Asuka yelled down at him, "Don't you want to see Shinji?"

"Eh?"

Slowing herself to a halt by planting her feet on the damp ground, Asuka stopped her swing and turned to face him. Her voice grew curiously soft. "I asked you, don't you want to see? Why are you just sitting there?" She pointed at the sky and smiled, "The view from all the way up there is great…don't you want to see it?"

Laughing, Shinji crossed his arms, "And how am I going to get all the way up there? What… is Asuka going to give me a push?"

"I'll give you a push…on one condition though."

"Nani?"

Hopping of her swing and blushing, Asuka bent down and whispered in his ear. "Don't you dare look up or I'll kill you."

"Eh? How can you STILL make me sound like a pervert? I didn't even do anything."

Blushing even more, Asuka smacked his head none too gently. "Just remember ok idiot? And you better not break your promise!" 

"Hai Hai…" 

Giving him a firm push to start, Asuka began repeating the cycle as she gave him another push every time he came back down. Holding the chains tighter and tighter, Shinji was about to complain when Asuka suddenly gripped both chains as he was coming down again and stepped onto the back of the swing, planting both feet on the opposite edges of the swing seat.

The swing bucked as the extra weight threw it off course but adjusting her weight to compensate, Asuka eased her body forward and backward in rhythm to keep time with the swing. It was an odd sight really…Shinji was sitting on the swing seat while Asuka was standing precariously above him, holding onto the chains for dear life and all too self-conscious of her light yellow skirt billowing in all directions as the swing went back and forth.

 "What are you doing now Asuka?" Shinji's voice was slightly panicked and tinged with a bit of awe.

"It's not fair if you get the whole view to yourself. Don't be so selfish baka Shinji!" Blushing as the hem of her skirt fluttered in the wind, Asuka stammered a retort, "You better not be looking up! I can't hold my skirt down so keep your perverted hormones to yourself just this once!" She flushed, "You better keep your promise."

"Hai Hai…" Dutifully keeping his eyes straight, Shinji meekly cut the conversation as he concentrated on everything he could see. Asuka was right…the view up here was wonderful. "Hey Asuka…"

"Hmm?"

"This is the closest I've ever gotten Asuka…this is the closest I've ever gotten to finding that special place."

Looking down at him, Asuka's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yah…really." Meeting her gaze, Shinji smiled back up at her. "Can we find it Asuka?"

Asuka nodded. "I want to find it Shinji…that special place just for us."

Shinji's brow knotted. "Us? I thought that…"

"Anta Baka? Both of us are searching so hard for it that none of us are just going to give it up when we find it." Asuka sighed. "That's why Shinji…I'll only share it with you." Her voice grew slightly pained, "You…you don't mind do you though Shinji? Sharing that special place with me?"

Shinji stared up at her, looking at her blue eyes that reflected so many feelings he wanted to understand a bit more…if she would let him. "If it's just you…I wouldn't mind so much. But it has to be you Asuka…that place…only for you and me."

"Promise?"

 Shinji smiled and held up a hand. "Promise."

Sliding her hand into his, Asuka gripped it tightly. "Only with you Shinji…always…only with you. Stay with me here…for a little while longer…"

Not bothering to reply, Shinji just concentrated on the touch of her hand against his and the view Asuka had wanted him to see in front of him. These special gifts…something that the two of them could share…both so equally important to him.

That place…that was now just for them. It didn't sound so lonely anymore. It didn't sound so impossible anymore.

From up here, on this swing holding hands…it was like all they had to do was just reach out and grab it.

"Shinji…"

"Hmm…?"

"Why are you still looking up?"

"Eh? What's up? I don't see….AAAAHHH!!! GOMEN!"

"I was right…PERVERT!!"

***

Both of them crammed into the empty telephone booth as lightning thundered across the sky, illuminating the pale reddish/blue evening sky. Groaning, Asuka despondently looked outside. "What kind of weather is this Shinji? What is wrong with this post-Second Impact weather?"

Inwardly agreeing, Shinji squeezed the hem of his shirt to soak out all the water. Shivering, he glared at Asuka. "Stop that! You're getting water everywhere!"

Asuka stuck out her tongue as she continued to shake her hair. "I'm completely soaked idiot and my hair is three times as long as yours! Quit complaining and be a gentleman about it."

Uncomfortably self-aware of their close proximity, Shinji flattened himself on the opposite end of the booth. "Of all the places we chose, we had to choose a box…" He winced as the roll of thunder pealed uncomfortably close to them. "Makes you kind of scared doesn't it?"

"Are you even a man Shinji? Does a little light show in the sky scare poor little…?" Asuka's leer suddenly turned into a short scream as the phone unexpectedly rang. Throwing herself to the other side of the booth, Shinji definitely felt something in his chest pop as Asuka almost sandwiched herself against his chest.

The phone continued ringing as the two of them looked from each other to the machine with a mixture of confusion and horror. Grinning, Shinji wryly asked, "Not scared huh?"

Swallowing, Asuka was a bit too shaken to think of a retort of the moment. "Th…that's not funny Shinji…not funny at all." 

"What are we going to do?"

"We…we pick it up…I guess…" Steadying herself, she hesitantly reached out and picked up the phone. "Mochi mochi…"

"I hate to break up your romantic getaway together but might I ask WHAT IN HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING IN TOKYO-1??" Ritsuko's voice snarled over the phone loud enough to shake both of the occupants. 

That didn't sound good.

Guiltily exchanging glances, Asuka motioned for Shinji to say something. Trying his best not to tear out the telephone booth door and drag Asuka away with him, Shinji leaned closer to the telephone receiver and asked numbly, "R…Ritsuko…san…ummm…" He had to ask, "How did you know we were in this booth?"

"I'm in NERV kid. I make my living tracing you two. Did you know that we have a top-of-the-line trace satellite here? Got it pretty cheap by some Libyan corporation…NO! STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE TOPIC! In fact, I don't care about your reasons. I really don't care." Ritsuko sounded completely flustered and exasperated as sounds of paper sliding across the table in the background could be heard. "Where did I put that request form…look, stay where you are. I'll send a unit to pick you two up ok?"

Both of them replied simultaneously, "NO!" Blushing as they looked at each other, Asuka gripped the phone tighter as Shinji averted his eyes. She spoke in a somewhat softer tone into the phone. "We're kind of busy Ritsuko…"

"BUSY!" Ritsuko exploded as Asuka held the phone a good five inches away from her ear wincing in pain. "DO YOU TWO EVEN KNOW WHAT BUSY MEANS?? IT MEANS TRYING TO GET THE COMMANDER FROM JUMPING ALL OVER MY ASS WHILE YOU TWO ARE GOD KNOWS WHERE…no…no….MAYA I AM NOT LOSING MY….MAYA…ok! OK!" In a forced tone, the scientist's voice became saccharinely sweet, "Now Asuka…"

Taking the phone from Asuka's hands, Shinji stammered, "Ritsuko-san…Gomen…I'm very sorry for all the trouble we caused you…but, I…"

Asuka interjected tersely, "We."

"We can't go back…we got this far…" Asuka smiled softly at Shinji. "Yeah…this far." Wetting his lips, he continued on. "We won't turn back Ritsuko-san. Not now…not when we're this close."

Ritsuko's voice grew dead serious. "The Commander doesn't know you're gone Shinji. If you continue talking like that, that can change really fast."

_Father? _Shinji gripped the phone harder as his left hand clenched under the counter. "I…I…it's not that Ritsuko…but…" _I must not run away…don't run away…not alone…not here…_

Ritsuko sighed. "If you would ever stop running away from your problems, you might figure it out Shinji. Grow up. And it's bad enough that you're dragging Asuka with you. You've caused enough trouble so why don't you just sit down and let me take care of it before you make the situation even worse?" 

Shinji's eyes flashed and his voice cooled ten degrees. "Ritsuko-san…you don't understand anything of what's happened today. I don't expect you to. I'm not running away. We're not running away…and sitting there in that cozy lab of yours, maybe you're the one who is. I'm facing my fears here and I'm doing what I want to do with someone I WANT to be with for the first time in my life. I'm not going to let you take that from me."

Ritsuko's voice began increasing in ire over the phone again. "LOOK Shinji-kun…don't even THINK to judge me! If you don't listen…"

Shinji snarled, "What are you going to do than? Tell me! What can you do that my father hasn't done!" He snapped, "If you want us, come and get us!"

Slamming the phone hard on the phone register, the plastic casing of the receiver cracked and splintered. For a few seconds, as the last echoes of the heated conversation died done, all that could be heard was the sound of Shinji's uncertain breathing. It was odd…it made everything sound so surreal. His head was bowed and he looked dangerously close to tears. Why would he be crying?

He…Shinji…was an idiot…but, for the first time since coming here, Asuka believed something more than she could have ever possibly thought. His words…what he said now…she didn't understand them. She didn't understand what could be so different from all the other days…or how it might change them in the future. His fears…and what his father did…she didn't understand.

But someone he wanted to be with…for the first time in his life? Why? Shinji…Ikari Shinji wanted to be with her? Why?

There's no such thing as princesses and princes… 

Why?

And happily ever after is a way that life tells you that everything is wrong… 

Why?

It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense. But through it all…it was truth. Even if she didn't understand, Asuka could believe it. She could believe in Shinji.

Slowly taking his hand off the phone, Shinji slumped against the side of the booth and ran a hand over his face. "What am I talking about…what am I saying Asuka? I…I don't understand. What am I going to do?"

Asuka whispered, "Take me there…Shinji…"

His eyes flashed to her. "Eh?"

"I…I don't know which way to take…" She met his uncertain gaze with all the sincerity she ever had. "I don't know where to look. If you can accept that…and still want me to be with you, than I will. So…" She slipped her hand into his and gripped it tightly. "So take me to that special place Shinji. Just for us…together."

The rain outside poured even harder as if telling them they were trapped. That they would forever be stuck in a box and there was nothing they could do about it.

Shinji shook his head. "What if we can't find it? What if it doesn't exist?"

"I don't know…I don't know either Shinji. But don't keep those fears to yourself…let me share a part of your pain. That's the only thing I can do. I'm only an EVA pilot."

"Look at me Asuka! Just look! I'm just as confused as you are! I'm weak! I'm cowardly…" He looked at her with desperation, "Don't…don't ask that of me. Don't expect that much of me…"

"You understand yourself…which means you can take care of yourself." Asuka held his hand tightly in hers. "I want to learn what I am. Who I am…so please Shinji…take me there. Even if I hate myself at the end, if it's with you, I won't regret it. I can start taking care of myself."

"But how about if you end up hating me?"

"Than we'll have that place Shinji…" She smiled. "Our place. Just for the two of us. Right…?"

Shinji blurted, "Then…can you stay with me? Even if I start to lose my way…can you still stay with me?"

"As long as you still want me to." Asuka shook her head. "Because I don't want to be alone either."

They stood there, holding hands, and as one they stepped outside and began running away…no…not away…but towards something. There's always a place for just one person, but to find a place only for us…for us…is special.

I want to find it…with you…if you want me to.

I want to smile, cry, laugh, hate, and scream until I go deaf…as long as it's with you. So don't leave me alone and don't find that place by yourself.

Let me find it with you. Let me be a part of your happiness…and part of your pain.

I'll follow you…but only you. Only with you.

So don't let it stop raining…and don't let go of my hand. 

tbc


End file.
